as franz kafka said once...
If you
stand before me and look at me, what do you know of the pain that is inside me and
what do I know of yours. And if I were to cast myself down before you and weep
and tell you, what more would you know about me than you do about Hell if
someone tells you it is hot and frightful. For that reason alone we should
stand before each other as reverently and as thoughtfully as we would before
the entrance to Hell.
but we still try. to get to know people. don't we?
and as i am making a new kind of getting-to-know-people-experience right now, and think about it a lot, i believe it might be an idea to write about it... as "thoughts in progress".
ususally, if you meet someone new, first sight counts. a lot.
the way a person looks, smells, moves, laughs, talks... imprints. and influences almost everything you think about that person - for a long time (if not forever).
even if we like the thought of judging people not by looks but by who they are, the way they are still manipulates that judgement, consciously or unconsiously. it just does. it does matter - so i believe - and blurs what you might notice about "the rest" of that person. even a name can (slightly) have such an effect (you just need a bad experience with another person of the same name.). it is a little like with job applications... the "first-sight" factors are stronger than one might realize...
(all this - of course - is also quite helpfull.... but i will get back to that later.)
if you don't have anything like that at your hand to judge a person - because you can't see or hear the person you met, you can't even be sure that what he/she tells you about themselves is true. what happens then? is your judgement on first "sight" then "reduced" to judgement on first "behaviour"?
i watch myself being truer to what i think i am than if i fell "watched". i am - astoundingly? - nervous when it comes to meeting new people, especially in "open" situations. (i call a situation open if there's no official necessity to meet which creates a topic and thereby a specific "role" for the people present. according to this definition, a party with people you haven't known half a lifetime would be an open situation...) i'm so aware of myself most of the time that i end up not knowing how to comport myself, which fabricates this well-known extremely hectic and talkative persona... and thereby creates those brilliant first impressions i make, i guess... and lead to me trying to get rid of that "she loves being the centre of attention-idea most people have of me after they first met me...
so, in a context like an online-chatroom, where no-one sees me, hears me, and where i can decide what it is about myself i want them to know, i feel a lot safer. (really, who wouldn't?) i have time to think what i want to say and how i want to say it. i find myself being a lot less hectic, nervous, unsure of myself.
i think, this has a lot to do with having time to think, which - for me - is not always that easy in public. (i have to process so much information when i'm in places with people that i mostly keep talking to prevent people from making me act/react... weird, ha?^^)
what does this kind of encounter do to how you present yourself? how you feel?
well. i think it could be two very different ways to react to that "chance": one: you present yurself the way you want people to see you. you fall into the trap of complete pretend - just because it works - for a certain time. two: you take off of at least some masks, because you don't need them. you just have to decide what you want to show, and what you don't. (a thought that came up: what is the difference between lying and not telling? how close are they?...) and because you can always draw back, disappear, become invisible and untraceble, because you don't have to face the people again if you don't want to, because you can decide when to show your "face", you can be more honest. (which, for not the smallest number of people seems to induce some kind rough/impolite/even nasty behaviour... but that's a different cup of tea...) i find myself showing more of my insecurities, soft spots, doubts than i would normally dare to at that stage of the acquaintance. but maybe this is just a different kind of mask?...
what happens if you find out about the former "first sight" factors? what if you don't like what you see and hear?
i have no idea. maybe just the same as when you find out about someone you liked at first sight, that she/he is completely different from what you first thought? its just quicker? finding out that a person's character ist different than you thought might take years... finding out that a person looks differnt takes seconds... and by that time you might know a lot more about the person's thoughts, ideas, ways to be, their character than you would if an outward appearance you like distracts you, makes you not see what you should? i'm not sure.
and in the end, dear diary, it might all come down to a very interesting social study, watching people interact (people, that includes myself) in a new kind of setting under a new kind of circumstances.
your sometimes completely uber-meditative author^^
p.s. i read about creativity today... a study found out that actually creative people tend to cheat more than those who are less imaginative... ;-)
ususally, if you meet someone new, first sight counts. a lot.
the way a person looks, smells, moves, laughs, talks... imprints. and influences almost everything you think about that person - for a long time (if not forever).
even if we like the thought of judging people not by looks but by who they are, the way they are still manipulates that judgement, consciously or unconsiously. it just does. it does matter - so i believe - and blurs what you might notice about "the rest" of that person. even a name can (slightly) have such an effect (you just need a bad experience with another person of the same name.). it is a little like with job applications... the "first-sight" factors are stronger than one might realize...
(all this - of course - is also quite helpfull.... but i will get back to that later.)
if you don't have anything like that at your hand to judge a person - because you can't see or hear the person you met, you can't even be sure that what he/she tells you about themselves is true. what happens then? is your judgement on first "sight" then "reduced" to judgement on first "behaviour"?
i watch myself being truer to what i think i am than if i fell "watched". i am - astoundingly? - nervous when it comes to meeting new people, especially in "open" situations. (i call a situation open if there's no official necessity to meet which creates a topic and thereby a specific "role" for the people present. according to this definition, a party with people you haven't known half a lifetime would be an open situation...) i'm so aware of myself most of the time that i end up not knowing how to comport myself, which fabricates this well-known extremely hectic and talkative persona... and thereby creates those brilliant first impressions i make, i guess... and lead to me trying to get rid of that "she loves being the centre of attention-idea most people have of me after they first met me...
so, in a context like an online-chatroom, where no-one sees me, hears me, and where i can decide what it is about myself i want them to know, i feel a lot safer. (really, who wouldn't?) i have time to think what i want to say and how i want to say it. i find myself being a lot less hectic, nervous, unsure of myself.
i think, this has a lot to do with having time to think, which - for me - is not always that easy in public. (i have to process so much information when i'm in places with people that i mostly keep talking to prevent people from making me act/react... weird, ha?^^)
what does this kind of encounter do to how you present yourself? how you feel?
well. i think it could be two very different ways to react to that "chance": one: you present yurself the way you want people to see you. you fall into the trap of complete pretend - just because it works - for a certain time. two: you take off of at least some masks, because you don't need them. you just have to decide what you want to show, and what you don't. (a thought that came up: what is the difference between lying and not telling? how close are they?...) and because you can always draw back, disappear, become invisible and untraceble, because you don't have to face the people again if you don't want to, because you can decide when to show your "face", you can be more honest. (which, for not the smallest number of people seems to induce some kind rough/impolite/even nasty behaviour... but that's a different cup of tea...) i find myself showing more of my insecurities, soft spots, doubts than i would normally dare to at that stage of the acquaintance. but maybe this is just a different kind of mask?...
what happens if you find out about the former "first sight" factors? what if you don't like what you see and hear?
i have no idea. maybe just the same as when you find out about someone you liked at first sight, that she/he is completely different from what you first thought? its just quicker? finding out that a person's character ist different than you thought might take years... finding out that a person looks differnt takes seconds... and by that time you might know a lot more about the person's thoughts, ideas, ways to be, their character than you would if an outward appearance you like distracts you, makes you not see what you should? i'm not sure.
and in the end, dear diary, it might all come down to a very interesting social study, watching people interact (people, that includes myself) in a new kind of setting under a new kind of circumstances.
your sometimes completely uber-meditative author^^
p.s. i read about creativity today... a study found out that actually creative people tend to cheat more than those who are less imaginative... ;-)
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