i would really really want to take just a little bit of the pain off them, the parents, the brothers. but i can't. i can cry, but it doesn't help. i can talk, but i don't know whether it helps. i can try to identify, but i will never know whether it worked. i would really really want to help, but there is no help.
it is absolutely unmaginable to lose a brother, even worse a child. it must be absolutely unbearable. it is the end to something, to everything, for a certain time at least.
i see that they stick together, that they help each other as best as they can. and still, i'm worried. why is that? don't i trust them to survive this? i do. but i want them not just to survive, want them to find a way back to a real life, a life worth living, to happiness. i (always thought i) know there is a way, but at the moment, not even i can see it.
all my personal beliefs tell me, everything will be ok. they tell me he is in a better place now, he is ok now, resting, and that he will - after some time watching his family and friends - start again, get a new life. and i wish - with all of my heart - that the next one will be easier than the one he just left behind.
but even if all this might make sense some time and from some perspective, the thought of a young man just starting a new phase in his life, having to die at 23 is... is... i am running out of words. i just don't know what to say.
it's just about sharing the trears, the memories, the pain. and being unable to help. and that's the hardest to bear.
(I took this photo from a fb group his friends started to share and keep his memory.)
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